they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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