Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
