Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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