We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
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