I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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