In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
