I seem to have left my pride at pride
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
