there was a trapeze. enough said
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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