like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
