I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize