it was like his penis was on wheels.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
