I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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