Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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