it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
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I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
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Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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