After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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