GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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