It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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