he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
