so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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