the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm like, not good at living.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
