Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
