The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
