we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
