During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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