i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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