It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
