Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
