"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
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