It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
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The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
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We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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