hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
