the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
