Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
