Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
