just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
