she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
