There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
