i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
