Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
