Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
