you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
