I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
