**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
