i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
