I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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