Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
