My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
