I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My bed smells like the plague
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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