Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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