fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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