He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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