I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
