I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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