Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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