My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
