my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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