i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
