Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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