all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
In America we eat man semen.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
