I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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